YOU HAVE TO READ IT TO BELIEVE IT

Transcripts of actual conversations I've had at work over the last two days:

Male Customer: Do you have shorts?
Me (Out Loud): I'm afraid not; we will be getting shorts in with our Summer collection towards the end of April.
MC: Really? Why don't you have shorts at this time of year? I'm leaving for Bermuda this weekend, and I need something to wear!
Me (Out Loud): Unfortunately, we just don't get enough customers looking for shorts at this time of year to warrant carrying them. You might have a chance of finding what you're looking for at "X" shop across the market.
Me (Screaming In My Head): Well, I faxed Head Office with a special memo that You Were Going To Bermuda - Lucky Turd - And Therefore Require Shorts, but they somehow failed to grasp the importance of that particular memo.

Female Customer: (action: pulling pair after pair of jeans from the wall, and groaning in disgust when they are not your size).
Me (Out Loud): Can I be of any help finding you a size or style?
FC: No, I'm fine.
Me (Out Loud): Okay; if there is anything I can do to help, please just let me know.
Me (Screaming In My Head): Stop pulling out every single pair!! If you would just take 5 seconds to read the labels, you would see that they are sized!
Five minutes, and many piles of jeans on the floor, later
FC: Actually, can you tell me if your jeans come in a length between "regular" and "long"?
Me (Out Loud): I'm afraid we don't carry a length in between those two; perhaps if you tell me what fit you had in mind, I can make a suggestion to help you find a pair of jeans.
Me (Screaming In My Head): You pulled all those jeans out looking for a non-existent size!?
FC: That's okay. I was really looking for something in an in-between length. Good-bye.

Male Customer: I need this jacket in XXL.
Me (Out Loud): I'm afriad that the largest size we carry is XL.
MC: What do you mean that this is your largest size? Why don't you cater to larger people?!
Me (Out Loud): I understand it can be frustrating when we only carry a limited size range.
Me (Screaming In My Head): Well, of course I faxed Head Office with a second memo yesterday to Complain About How We Only Carry Sizes That Fit 95% Of The Population. And of course a peon like myself has creative control over which sizes we carry, so it makes perfect sense that you are angry at me.

I do want to say that, despite the rather negative tone of today's blog, the good experiences with customers far outweigh the bad. It's just that the bad are so much more amusing, no?