FEELING DOWN

Yesterday I had a Bad Day.

I debated for quite some time about whether I should post my feelings or whether the blog should remain the realm of Happy Events Only. In the end, I decided that if this blog is to act as a record of our time abroad, it is only fair to include the not-so-good with the good.

About 95% of days rate as "good or better" on my Amanda-happiness meter. But every once in a while, when I don't get enough sleep or something unanticipated knocks me off kilter, I find it hard to step forward with my usual cheery outlook.

The first time I cracked up was back in November, when I called my dear friend Nicole on her due date to wish her a safe delivery, only to find that she was at that moment in labour. While I had certainly missed my friends and family during our initial months away, Baby Joe's birth signalled the first truly BIG EVENT that we weren't there for. I put down the phone from talking with Nicole's brother-in-law and wept.

Since that occasion I've been doing pretty well; our friends Colin and Jen thoughfully had Baby Kaitlyn while we were home and the holidays allowed us a chance to reconnect with all the people that we miss so much. But at the same time, it was a bittersweet reminder of all that we've left (temporarily) behind.

So we arrive at yesterday. For some reason - lack of sleep, bad weather, cosmic positioning - I was feeling down when I got out of bed and the feeling of down-ness culminated in an Amanda pity party later that evening. I lamented to Ray about how much I miss my friends back home, how I haven't yet truly connected with my colleagues over here (and fear that as long as I work in my current job, I won't find people who really share my interests), how I am tired of working in retail and wish a suitable animal-related job would materialize, and how I wish I had a consistent work schedule so that I could plan activities such as a weekly yoga class. I know, I know - would I like some cheese with that whine?

My suggestion that I try to convince my friends - who are off doing wonderful things like multiple degrees, vet school, post doctoral positions, saving wild animals, working in new jobs and starting families - to drop everything and move over here with me was met by Ray with a healthy reality check. He reminded me that while the nature of his (and potentially my) career is to lead us all over the world, and therefore away from those we love, it also gives us the opportunity to meet amazing people that we would never have had the chance to get to know had we stayed safely in Vancouver. And these people, over time, will also find places in our hearts - in fact, many already have - and enrich our lives in so many ways. You all know who you are, and I can't thank you enough for welcoming us with open arms. Those of you who we've left behind in Canada: you too, are all so special and I consider myself privileged to know you.

After I cried and ranted myself out, Ray the Super Husband hugged me, made me some chamomile tea, and gently suggested that I curl up in bed with a good book. Which I did, and ended up having a good night's sleep. Have I mentioned before how wonderful my husband is?? You only had to read this rant; Ray got the full 3D version with sound effects and snotty nose.

And - today is much better. The weather is still crappy (I observed waves in puddles!!!) but I've had some sleep and time to reflect on how lucky we are to be here. I know that I WILL get to know people better, I WILL meet other animal-crazy nutcases, I WILL find a job that stimulates my mind and my heart, and I WILL find time to take that yoga class. Although...although, gals from Vancouver, won't you consider dropping by for a Starbucks run??