GROUT RULES FOR THE ROAD
1. Poober (photo to follow tomorrow) gets the dashboard, Woof gets the cupholder. Any journey commencing without these two critters is doomed to failure, or at the very least car troubles at the most inopportune time.
2. Travel essentials: wool blanket, a little bit of coffee, lots of water, lots of music, lots of candy. And maps. Don't ever forget the maps.
3. Do not ask the navigator for directions when you need them. Ask the navigator for directions five miles BEFORE you need them.
4. The role of the DJ is one of compromise with a little bit of flair thrown in. Bonus points awarded for creation of a cruising CD that is evocative of the exact mood of the trip; points detracted for failing to remember to make the CD thereby necessitating endless listening to BBC Radio 1.
5. Four eyes keeping a lookout for speed cameras are better than two.
6. Restraining from commenting on one's spouse's driving skills will be seen as a step up on the evolutionary ladder.
7. Let us discuss bathroom breaks. Men require pit stops at twice the frequency of women. The navigator must keep the weaker sex in mind when figuring out whether it is advisable to skip this rest stop, when the next one is a futher 25 miles down the road.
8. It is okay to make fun of crazy British place names. In fact, failure to find humour in Blubberhouses, Giggleswick, Wigglesworth, and Tadcaster (a place to fish for tadpoles??) will be regarded as behaving like a grumpy stooge and will result in said grumpy stooge receiving a Grade A Noogie.
9. Forget that the camera takes a full second to take the shot once the button thingy has been pressed. Aim for the picturesque hillside, the sheep, the farmhouses...but be prepared when viewing the photos to be amazed that you managed to perfectly capture that oncoming lorrie in the middle of your frame every single damn time. You couldn't do that if you tried.
10. Most importantly: try to convince yourself that driving home is just as much fun as driving out at the start of the holiday. Resist the urge to get the driving over with, take breaks and start planning for your next roadtrip!
posted by Amanda Grout @ 7:57 pm
2 comments
2 Comments:
1. Damn, that's me in trouble. The raspberry doesn't have any cup holders (unless the occupant of the passenger seat counts).
4. Radio 2 is infinitely prefereable to radio 1. Except possibly between 7 and 10pm when the country/folk/wierd music happens.
2. & 7. Had you ever considered the possible link between these two features? I very rarely make bog stops on road trips, and certainly not at the point where an extra 25 miles will make a difference, but then I only tend to drink while taking a break.
8. I have heard it said by people involved in linguistics that the evolution of some British place names has gone in the direction of maximum humour. Don't diss Tadcaster -- one of the country's finest brewing towns.
10. Nonsense. It also never takes as long, for some reason.
W.r.t. comment 10 above, and per #2&7, above above, I find that the length of time it takes grows as 2^{number of cups of liquid consumed) * e^{number of bog stops skipped}
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